no, you can't "pick my brain"
This topic has come up twice in this week alone. So I can’t not write about it.
First let me say, not everything in my brain is behind a paywall!
Here are things I would love for you to pick my brain about:
the best thrift stores
having kids who are picky eaters
what to wear to feel fabulous
tarot and anything magic related
best places to go to the river close to Portland
family reunions
how to stay warm and happy in the winter
But when it is related to my career or my livelihood? That’s a different story.
When I had Portland Garment Factory, it was at LEAST once a month we had some sweet naive person email us and ask us if they could take us to coffee and “pick our brain” about the expertise we had built, years and years of experience we had building what felt like a long shot of a business.
How do you tell someone over one coffee about the struggles of finding skilled labor? How to build a business with no capital? How to literally bootstrap every machine, new hire, and equipment on last month’s sales? The painful difference between contractors and employees? How to time-study jobs to know if they are profitable? How to source materials in a country that has outsourced so much overseas? How to pay yourself and your people a living wage? How to forecast enough work so that your people don’t sit twiddling their thumbs? How to be a fun, sweet, chill boss that also has super high expectations and wants people to move quickly and efficiently?
You get the picture. First of all it would be impossible for me to give anyone a clear picture of what is in my brain over just 1 coffee.
And secondly, I was SO busy and barely ate lunch most days. So to ask someone to take time out of their busy life to give you information for free? It is baffling to me.
And this is not to say I didn’t have help getting to this place. I have had so many AMAZING mentors and guides that helped me for free. But the difference? We had a relationship first. And I never asked to “pick their brain”. I respected their time by telling them the exact thing I was struggling to find that I knew they might know. I never equated their worth with a $5 coffee, or lunch. We were in a reciprocal relationship, and I always respected that and expressed so much gratitude for their wisdom.
So if this is happening to you, here are some choices on how to respond:
Ignore it. Just because someone has your email does not mean they are entitled to your time or response.
“I actually help people who are in your exact position as part of my business. Consults are around 1 hour and run $200.” (if you want to do it and want to be paid)
“I don’t do free consults, but if you have a specific question I will take a look and see if I can point you in the right direction.”
“Oh yes. The familiar scent of asking women to do work for free, like their knowledge and expertise isn’t sacred! No. You cannot pick my brain. Have a great day!” (only if you are feeling snarky ;) )
Has this happened to you? What is your take on it! Let me know in the comments.
